16 December 2014

132 innocent kids died today; I wish I could share the pain their families are suffering now.
There is so much indifference in this world, why would you take their lives. What had they done?
I might never realise what makes a guy fanatic that he is blinded by the rage his beliefs hold. I wonder the difference in pain, I feel down a lot of time nowadays, it's because of that heartbreak, but what I realized today is how tiny my wallowing was to the suffering those kids went through and their maa and paa are going through.
What is true love?
After you lose it, you realise how beautiful it was.
A man's sweat and his eyes after seeing his little daughter sleeping soundly in the comforts of the home that he has worked hard to make, ohh beauty of it is what I realize today.
Boy Genuine Hard Work and sincerity in your efforts. That's it!!!

15 December
You can't have everything perfect, there's bound to be a missing link, I cannot have the carefree attitude in my work and expect to work in a big corporate building, with friends around. These two are mutually exclusive, what I get at Daryaganj is freedom to explore myself, I can't get that anywhere else.
But with great power comes great responsibilities, I have to have self discipline here, find work and keep my self engrossed in one thing or other and it's not that difficult actually. But then the debate moves on to smart work and hard work. You cannot get smart with out hard work. So slogging is going to be there anyhow, it's you who is going to prioritize and make amendments. These little things in long run will make all the difference.
Sometimes to get rid of the uneasy things in life, forget is a good option, I should try that, it never means that positive things will not be cherished it's only the way to keep clear of negativity and how many people have achieved that, very few. I think I am unfortunate, behad badkismat shayad duniya ka sabse badkismat insaan. But the thing is, rewards are not hard, even a simple good night message with most genuine of intentions can light your entire dull day. Goodwill never goes in waste, maybe with enough goodwill around I will force their god to look at me, give me mercy and grant me what I believe is rightfully mine. Ahan ;)

14 December 2014

Some lives are meant to roam around politely, I suddenly remember how important it used to be in childhood to draw borders with black sketch pens. I just knew without that, it was never complete. I am a very fragile soul, I do know that. In between I worry about how do I intend to live my life, I am living my life but everyday I see something, find some new revelation. The justification should be yours, can you justify your actions, how would you ponder and reflect about what you did today, tomorrow, a little more mature and bound to forgive yourself.

I find it hard to listen the sound of silence, the sound just after this song stops, it's a clear indication that I am running away from myself, I am trying to look for answers everywhere, I feel they come to me daily in flashes. Could that graffiti on red fort wall near Digambar Jain Mandir be an answer?
It's indeed true, the harshness, the bitter pill is your actions, what you have achieved, what you have become but with me the difficulty is a higher moral justification of my actions, The constant bickering in my head, oh boy how much I hate my inaction, couldn't I be more active, more passionate, more caring. But who's lucky? I am a fool to limit myself. I ask myself, is my character weak, don't I lack the resilience to fight back and win. Why do I believe that this phase will never end, it'll never get better, but do I really do the effort, do I deserve my chance?

I tell you what I want to become, I don't want to achieve something, I don't, seriously, All I want is sincereness in my efforts, if I genuinely desire something, than I should be passionate enough to work for that, get that in my life, make it my destiny.

12 December

I am lucky; I have the right stars yeah sometimes they do spiral out of control and an imminent danger of a black hole eating my luck is ever existent. I do operate on a borderline; I take snappy decisions; but if ever I had a chance to live again I would live exactly the same way I had done so far.... would I? I don't know

You should be confident, the fear of being seen, thought about, criticized should be absent in my formative years. It's my this effort that will make my life worth remembering. I do realise the potential a simple life holds and how big a difference it can make to things around you.

I love the way I am engrossed in my work nowadays, quoting for these tenders has been a really good experience, I need to prepare an elegant ppt for Gurpreet; he'll be happy to get an introduction of those compressors from me.  the first thing next week is to prepare that ppt and share it with him.

Lovely episode the way zaroon proposed almost gave me new ideas; but I should realise my age is not right and there is no point in pointlessly trying; I should give it some time, and if I feel after an year or so that this is what I want maybe I can try, but before that I need a lot of personal grooming; both on professional as well as personal front.

11 December

I have always had problems with self control, I sometimes wonder what is an apt apology; are words enough. More often than not I think it wouldn't matter in long run, but where does it put you?

I sometimes wonder if I could adopt a baby girl and raise her; I would be a total hip dad; she would be freaking awesome. Is this a deep passion or just my apology.

I like giving my job a 100% effort, I am getting a hang of it, if it's like this I keep getting new challenges that's great any ways.

                                        'Maang Liya zindagi se Zyaada, Chin Gaya woh jisne kiya wada'

I need to give my cousin a gift for her wedding; she's too excited to care though any ways, I sometimes think gifts could buy you love and appreciation but do they really. Well I have no clue whatsoever as to what can I gift her. I will probably save some money this month and then maybe gift her after deciding onto something. This will take heck of a planning.

Zaroon finally fell in love with Kashaf; it's not real and Kashaf is too idealistic sometimes; I wonder if she had chosen Osama; what would  fate had in store for Zaroon then. Is it real life too... what if you get a second chance with someone that got away. You don't!!!

9 December

I am terribly awkward socially, and sometimes I feel that I don't even put an effort to change, the least I can do is blend into surroundings, Well guess what if it didn't come naturally than you have to make an effort. Sometimes I feel that I just don't get it; unlike most of us I just get it later; the feeling the thing; this idea of achieving something and going somewhere in life. I find myself at similar cross roads then and again in life, it looks crystal clear for few days and then this medley of social gatherings, huge expectations simply slouches me. I wish I had the strength to stay strong, maybe it's how it's supposed to be. I just don't get it sometimes. The feeling of loneliness in a crowd is strange and sometimes frightens me. Am I like Adnan; that poor chap; he's nice and all but what others say about him... Sometimes I feel exactly the same, Other times it's this idea that this world is wrong for me; I don't belong to somewhere surrounded by a loads of people. Should I seriously consider something else, but is it a strong passion or a mere fancy to escape from uncomfortable situations, I don't know. But what if I don't want to be like them or is it the certainty on my part that I can never be like them.
Well I do need to look for inspirations, more constructive hobbies and my constant struggle for a beautiful life. I want to go to a post graduate college; but why? What I should I do is be strong here, play it their rules, work my way up and defeat them at their own game. And then maybe once you have changed; you can leave it all. At least you'll have the strength to say you did and you couldn't do it any other way for everything in this world.

7 December
I often wonder what's a good life?

I definitely practice the principle of Kam Khao and Gum Khao; Gluttony is a vice a serious one as a matter of fact, and I often ponder as to how I am able to keep it under control. I might be genetically equipped to handle my hunger, however it doesn't mean I don't like the idea of good food. But the real deal behind is the very act of belching and good food being the purpose of your day.

It's never the finished product; it's the polishing that is fascinating, and I remember how Gulzar sahab in one of his interviews highlighted that he has a strict schedule and his art is an outcome of that tight schedule he has been following his entire life. I don't think that he would want his art to be so fine without the hard work he has put in behind it. It's equally important and fun; I realise the importance of efforts I put in towards my success it's the efforts that make it all the more cheesy and wonderful.