10th February

If I go back in time and try to find out how much I have changed and what is it that I am doing differently; it'll be difficult to find any change. It's because we are an outcome of infinite little variables and when you go high enough, you realize that most of these are not in your control. This very moment yet believably disjointed, carrying no past and future is basically a sum of whatever you have gone through yet and is soon going to become a part of whatever it is that you will go through next.
Ha!! enough with this already, Sneha is getting married 19th of Feb, huh big deal. I wanted to give her a surprise gift of some sort. now that plan is definitely going down the drain. I'll plan something.
I did watch that play and boy it was awesome. I need to keep a lookout for these; 14th of Feb there's book fair starting and I ain't gonna miss it for anything in this world. That's like going to be my heaven destination for the entire Feb for sure. Job is going fine for now; I have started trying hard and utilizing my time efficiently. I mean what's the harm; while I am at it, why shouldn't I give my 100% and meanwhile enjoy the learning I am going to get. Hopefully everything will pan out alright I guess it always does so no harm.
Bye Bye
Good Night

22 January
Hi my love; life is a grand mystery; I have given up any  hopes of finding out what it means?
I think it will come to me eventually; largely it's a test; and the best I can do is be ready for it. How something innocent can give you jilts; that's is just beyond me.
One needs to make effort to make his life better; I always remember Gulzar sahab's schedule. He still practices his art by the same schedule that he used to follow in his earlier days; same is with Amol Palekar also. It's all about finding out what excites you; what suits you and rest everything will fall in its place. See I know my strengths and weakness. I know what excites me and in the end I want to lead a peaceful life; where I get to do things with my bare hands, teach people, be with my family. Travel and write all excites me equally.
I should plan my days and keep a tight watch on how I end up spending my time. I am capable of sticking up with a plan with necessary motivation. See I know there's no such thing as absolute right and wrong; but in the end what matters is not what you're inside but but what you do. So even if I have the nicest of intentions if I end up doing harm; that's bad. I should steer clear of any such act which is like this. I am bad ass enough already with the kind of slacking that I am capable of no one else can convince me otherwise. Badassery is that you decide on something and get it done.
Like getting an article of yours in open letter column in Hindu; find out what it takes, work on it and give your 100%. See then the result of your work.
Plus I promise I will be in Akshara Theatre 24th night watching that bloody play. Now that's what we call life. I will have finished Sooni Ghati Ka Sooraj by then I guess. See boy life is hard, and every one has it hard one way or the other. You are not alone and at the same time no one is with you. Work towards your passion; Premier Padmini is waiting boy. God throw a Parsi at me; I might convince him to give me his car pLeaseeeee  :')

27th December
The day we watched Pk, wonderful movie with a too preachy message, it's well understood that we are being scammed by Babas and so called God's managers, but to a very large extent we are responsible ourselves, we know but we fail to realize our part in all this. More often than not people going to these fake Babas are desperate and don't see a usual way out of their misery. And I feel our helplessness in matters related to our own destiny and that of our close ones drive us to these nuts in the first place. We fail to realize that solutions to all our problems are within ourselves,
 I have planned to take a few things seriously in life, I want to believe this line yes! My passion for books, my desire to overhaul and customize a premiere padmini and my job. Not necessarily in that order as it doesn't matter. Everything else other than this is bound to hurt me, and for something I desire so strongly can't be mine if I am not serious for these things in my life. Rest all will be taken care by someone, and I know who's that special someone. Me ! who else (eh)

22 December
To convince dad, about Premier Padmini is bloody difficult, but if I could, boy, that will be the second most awesome thing that I had ever done. But the idea is to convince him, maybe not right away, but piece by piece. Like if we start looking now and try to figure out the its and bits of everything involved, that will be great. I don't need to get hyper and all and start pushing to purchase one right away. What will be a good strategy is to get him excited first about the idea, that it will be something awesome and he too would love doing it with me.
I had a fairly okay day in office; I am crazy sometimes, see the things that excite me, mousami ka juice from bhaiya, an evening coffee at CCD alone, with a bunch of case studies to read. Boy I do get the kicks out of little things in life. I forgot to ask Summit about my idea of actually writing him a letter, I have no idea how will he take it? What I could do is ask for his feedback upfront or send him one and then tell him to be on the lookout for it. It's a fantastic idea any ways, I should keep these ideas coming. 

21 December

What I often fail to realize is that she's on my side. She would love to see me succeed. She would be disappointed if I don't come out good. I know my life shouldn't revolve around that, it's not. But if I ever fail to achieve the goals I set out for me, she won't be responsible ever. You know I always dreamt something like this. I got it now and I am just letting it go. I am a plain simple guy who was in love with a plain and simple girl. She didn't fell for me. This is a fact, there could be infinite number of reasons and even more number of explanations, but they don't matter. What should matter is am I moving the way I would want myself to move, and the ideas that I can still do this and that, They are not negative ideas, but I should realise that there is a big chance that I might never see her in my life again. Now I can stop everything and go after her, stalk her, and maybe try to convince her into loving me back, But is that a solution, no, it ain't. What I did learn was that I am not perfect, and I have to improve a great deal before I get close to being one. One way is to be someone she would have wanted her guy to be. What happens if I don't get her, it isn't a big deal. But for that to happen I have to become something that she would love. If it never happens, at least I'll have a story to tell my grand kids. My daughter, that your daddy loved a girl. Now a grand gift that can be given to her is to become something successful, yeah a university teacher, as a matter of fact a really good one is a great option. At least she would be proud of her 2-3 months, she won't regret and would never feel guilty. I mean do it for her, if that motivates you.
My thoughts should begin translating into action because that's ultimately important. Books have been a great friend of mine my entire life, I should never lose them. Then my coffee deal hasn't worked out a great deal yet, any ways meeting new people is good thing, you should never lose that connection. Worst thing I can do is close my self and go back to my shell. It isn't going to work this time. Real world is a lot tougher and requires you to be at your prime to let you and your loved ones get the best of it. Plus exercising is important, never lose it. Find your passion, give your job a 100% and never have any qualms for what you could achieve and what you didn't had you worked hard. Don't leave any space for that.

18 December 2014

I went to CCD in Daryaganj, sat there for an hour or so, reading a report on e-commerce, it was on things to consider before taking your business online. Had a good ambience, was good for a change, atleast if I am bored I can switch places and  go and read somewhere else it was a nice experience. I should totally do this more often.
I think that deep down I am a big believer, When I cross through those historical monuments, I wish to spend my day exploring those places, getting to know, the heritage we have and how we as a city evolved to where we are today. And many a times it's just a longing to share all the nice things that come to my mind with someone. It's said that how we are constantly surrounded by people and how technology has made us connected and networked. But the thing with this is that it never helps, you never use it for that purpose. I have never told anyone about some awesome feeling I had over technology, it kills the fun, I don't want to make that feeling a trivial instance, more often I like to preserve it, so it can be shared at an apt moment, when that someone is around you or somehow in a better way.
Niceness, boy it gives me goosebumps, It's just a new feeling, rejuvenating, to have that in you. And specially with everyone so busy. Each one of us is in a mess somehow, now when you're in that mess a harmless soul can do wonders, you just have to politely whisper in their ears something good. Tell them, that they are awesome and if they hang in there, things will fall in place.
However in return, nothing ought to be expected, not even a little thank you. Haa I am joking a harmless thank you never fails to bright your day. I mean a smile on someone's face because of you is a marvellous achievement in itself.
Work is going nice, I have my share of ups and downs, Now is the time to realize that things should start to materialize in some solid form. A plan is coming up, I am waiting for some big break through kind of a thing. Well let's hope I keep working sincerely and my efforts prove fruitful.

17 December 2014

If I reflect deeply it's going good, I have ups and downs daily, sometimes I feel so frail as if everyone could see how weak I am from inside. I awkwardly try to get in contact sometimes and fail to realize that another individual might get wrong ideas. But that's any ways me, it can't be helped. If I work sincerely I do get a lot of enthusiasm, it's just about hanging in there. Sometimes I feel If I could just run away and disappear for a good 2-3 weeks. I would love to go on a cheap road trip, to some place nice. It need not be flashy and all, though it must be free from all the usual clutter I see in Delhi. Though I wouldn't mind seeing a new kind of clutter at some place new. But yeah the feeling of going some place where no one knows you, you are on your own is refreshing.